I’ve been really busy lately working two jobs but there has also been alot of growth in that. Finding independance and living on your own in a big city feels pretty good. I told my friends for a long time that I was going to come out to California as soon as I finished school. I did that. It feels good. I’m not braging on it, but I’m saying when something is in your heart and it doesn’t go away, you do it, you just go for it. When you do, you become a stronger person and find confidence that you didn’t have before. Not saying go off of every wim, but when something doesn’t leave your heart, listen to it’s intensions and what it has to say. My dream was to come to California for years. It’s all you would hear me talk about with my friends. Now my dream is to have a family.
I’ve always said God answers all prayers and has never let me down one time. My final question, was if I desire to be with someone and have a family, why am I left alone on Thanksgiving this year as well? I’ve also found that anytime I’ve prayered for something, the answer is always right there. God puts it right there in the middle of your heart to find the answer by being still and listening to him, going on a walk with God, talking to a friend. This time, the answer was "be who you want to meet."
I’ve mentioned before that I’ve wondered if it was wrong to be "random" if you are not in a relationship. Why not, so many others are doing it. I’ve realized as so many other times, that doesn’t make it right. Since I’ve decided (with God’s strength of course because there is no way I could do it on my own) to hold off on "randomness" until I am with the person I want to be with, I have noticed so many wonderful changes in my relationships and connections with others as a whole. It’s true that you are what you eat. If I just continue to eat "randomness," that’s what I’m going to find. The moment I respect and love myself, the moment I respect others for more than just a physical tool, the more you see of yourself and another person. It’s hard to see who a person really is if you have blinders on. The glasses you wear is how you are going to see the world in every situation. Since I’ve decided to at least wait to be in a relationship for sexual interactions, I see everyone as an individual as a person. I call up people I haven’t talked to in awhile because I really do care about how they are doing, I want to meet new people just to know them. When you take away the selfish lenses, you can see the world in a new light. When you pray to overcome the lustful addiction that seems to be accepted by so many others, you can see people in a new light. You can see them for who they really are. I believe that’s why there are so many divorces and break ups, the wrong "glasses" were on to begin with. I’ve found that lust is selfish and that’s the opposite of what a relationship is to be based on. I Corinthians 13. Love is kind and "selfless." I want to be that person. That’s who I want to be. I want to be selfless and love. That’s the only way to find love.
That’s the interesting part, you can’t love to find love, because then it’s selfish again, you have to love because that’s who you are. Which comes to what I think is one of the most important things in life that you will ever find "character." Character is more important than anything that money can buy or money or fame or furtune itself. I hear many stories of rich celebrities, I don’t remember them tomorrow. I remember the mayor of San Diego who was the first politician to stand up for equality publicly. For Martin Luther King who just wanted equality for everyone with nothing in return. My first grade teacher who taught me to eat correctly with a fork and spoon. My music and art teacher who said that I can draw and sing anything that I want. Whenever thing else faids, character is what will stand. What is your character? I want to be able to say that I loved, I did my best, I lived life to the fullest, I did my best, and made lots of mistakes 🙂
I also love the serenity prayer. I think it has so much helpful meaning. "God help me the strength to do my part and to pray about the rest and to know the difference between the two (paraphrased)." There is a lot of wisdom in that. Wisdom is having this knowledge and knowing how to use it. There are so many things in life that we can control (thank God for free will and the power of choice) and so many things that we can’t. To know which ones we can and can’t takes wisdom.
I’ve recently realized I know how well I can perform my job, but I can’t make another person fall in love with me. It’s the same with our relatinship with God. He created us with free will to choose to love. We want the same thing, for someone to choose to want to be with us. It’s the most precious gift someone can give, their life (their time).
I searched and searched, I even ended up on the other side of the US in California 🙂 Instead of finding another person, I found myself and who God really is and not what some of his followers have said that he is. I wish the world could get to know who he really is. He’s the mom/dad that we have never had and always wanted. One that loves us unconditionally. Truelly unconditionally. Whether we turn out gay, straight, black, white, short, tall, skinny, fat, indian, buddhist, wiccan, happy, sad, ugly, nice, naughty, bad, and all of the other adjectives in the world that are simply labels and just that.
In other words, it’s not my job to find someone. God sent Eve to Adam. He didn’t have to look for her. He never leaves a desire unfullfilled and never leaves us empty. He doesn’t make mistakes. We have to have the faith to beleive that. The biggest thing to remember, it has to be a desire and not a need. God is our only need and will never have us to need anything or anyone else because he is a "jealous" God and doesn’t want anything or anyone before him, and he deserves it. When noone else cared or was around, he was. When his followers told me I was an abomination, he accepted me and loved me, and helped me find and accept myself. I wish I had a loud enough voice to share him with the world. It hurts that there are people out there that hurt others and do it in his name. I wish they wouldn’t beleive it and would find God for themselves. They make it as if we have to be perfect to deserve him, but it’s the other way around. We don’t have to deserve him because instead he loves us. He loves us exactly were we are at right at this very moment no matter where it is, no matter how someone else may judge us to be the worst person in the world.
Yes, I personally do beleive in Jesus Christ. I also beleive that God loves every single person in this world and does not love like we do with judgement or limitation. Love is limitless and has no boundaries. It spreads as far as his arms did on that cross, eternally. I know he loves you no matter what your background, past, religion, orientation, likes or dislikes. The world fights over who they think is right or wrong, when love does not fight, it allows a person to find their own way. I found Christ. Fear is the opposite of love and unfortunately so many others use it to try to make people or change people. That’s when they are playing god. Again, serenity is knowing your part and God’s part. Our part is to simply love and be who God created us to be, and God’s part is to be God. I’m personally glad we don’t have that responsibility. I’m glad I can trust God to bring friends, a special person, and a family in my life. I’m glad I can simply do my part and try to be the best I can be, with his help, and be the person I want to be with. If we could only spend more time caring than fighting. It’s harder to do that though right. It doesn’t take much. Maybe starting with one simple act of kindness a day.
On Thanksgiving, I had the back row middle seat in the theatre fifteen minutes before the movie started 🙂 I had the best seat in the house. Five minutes pass and two girls come in and want to sit by their friends, I move down a chair. That’s ok, just one more seat, I’m still good. Five more minutes, three people come and want to sit together, I move down one more. But wait, some soda is spilled on the floor in front of the third person’s chair. Move down one more Jason. I’m on the edge now, by good seat is gone. But I feel good in my heart because 6 people are sitting next to someone that they care about. It doesn’t take someone famous to make a difference, it takes one act of kindness a day. The more acts of kindness a day you work up to, the less selfish we become, the better character we gain, the less we need another person, and they come into our lives 🙂 We become better friends, spouses, and parents. The world becomes a better place and our kids keep the tradition alive. All because you let someone else have your seat 🙂